and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
