Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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