shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
