New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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