u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
