I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
