Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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