I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im holly from the hills drunk
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
