Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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