So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
