You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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