I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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