Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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