Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
