"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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