i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
