I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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