Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
