the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
