plz talk dirty to me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
