I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
