Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
