I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
