I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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