when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
