Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
