I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
