so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
