All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
