that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
