so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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