wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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