Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
