He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
