living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
