dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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