in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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