Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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