so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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