i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
