I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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