Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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