I'm gonna have a badass scar
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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