i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
