can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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