this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
