I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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