The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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