How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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