woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
