I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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