What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
