you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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