just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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