Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
