I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
ok first of all what the fuck
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
