Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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