You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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