That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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