I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
