I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
