im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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