the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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